Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
