Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize