John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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