I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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