Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize