mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
