Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize