whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
