There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
