there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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