I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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