My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
