there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
