but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize