just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
