11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
