Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
