I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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