it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
