So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
why is half of my head shaved?
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