remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
