You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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