so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
