I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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