they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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