U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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