Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
