Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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