Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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