don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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