conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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