Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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