The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize