the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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