meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
