im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
