Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
