Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
