Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
