she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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