Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize