he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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