My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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