# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
