Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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