She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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