im drinking this country out of the recession.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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