Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
