I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
