awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
