I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
