you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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