Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
