Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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