how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
