And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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