Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
