Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
