You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
