I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
