We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
