Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
