there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
