Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
