Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
