I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
