do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
