whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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