Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
