She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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